Is God enough?! In times like these, this question really hits hard. Is He my number one? If so, I will be fine, because He will never fail me. If I’m not sure he is, I could be feeling unnecessary anxiety regarding the world around me.
What does enough/number one even mean, exactly? I love God, and God loves me… But my kids though? And my husband? And my parents?!? They are my everything!
Nope. Number one means number one. Is God enough means if He was all that was left, would that be enough for us?
My answer? Absolutely.
I did not come to this answer in a day. However, it’s also not a mentality I worked hard to come to. My life experiences, and my upbringing I am sure, have led me to this way of thinking.
I was raised in a Pentecostal home, so God was everything. What He said was what it was and that was all. No questions asked.
When I was 10 years old, my mom was killed in a car crash. I remember asking my father why my mom died, and my Aunt did not (she was in the car with her). His answer was simple. He said that my mothers work on earth was done, and that she was going to work in the kingdom of heaven with God, now. I said OK.
I went to school the day after the funeral. The school sent me to the councilor…after two meeting she set me free. I missed my mom, of course, but who was I to argue with God? I had been told my entire life “tomorrow isn’t promise” and “Good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise”. It’s like my parents had been preparing me for this my whole life. One day we are here, and the next we are not. It is that simple. There are steps to take to help ensure safety, but when it is our time, it is our time…
Between the ages of 10 and 18 my mother, both grandmothers, a grandfather, and two uncles died… It did get mentally exhausting around 17 years old, but I figured there was a reason for it all, and I just had to keep trucking along.
After that, the death stopped for a while.
THEN, at age….. 26 I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer. A month later (around the time they were removing my thyroid) my aunt was diagnosed with lung cancer. She began treatment shortly after…. Fast forward four months- My dad was diagnosed with Leukemia. Here we go again I thought….
The first, and only, time I remember being angry at God in my entire life was 14 months later, when my Dad died. It only lasted about 4 minutes. I said “Why?” Why did you have to take him? (My dad and I were always very close.) Then, it hit me. Why not? It does not offend God to bring his children home. And it only makes me sad, because I will miss him. He is in an amazing place with no sickness…. It was selfish for me to want him here. If we believe in Jesus, the only sad part of death is for the humans left behind.
Over more time, and through more thinking, I began to wonder and realize that perhaps my father was taken, because he was a barrier between God and I. And I don’t mean barrier in a bad way. I mean that when I was growing up….like until 28 years of age when my dad died…I always looked to my dad for answers to all my questions. He was very well spoken when it came to the bible. He could give me a verse and reasoning for pretty much anything, so I never had to read on my own, or really go directly to God…other than prayer… My dad had all the answers… Until he wasn’t here anymore, and I had to figure out how to educate my children like he did me. And that is when I realized the “is He number one?” does, in fact mean, above mom, dad, kids, and spouse.
I am fairly certain all of the “tomorrow isn’t promised” and “good Lord willing” replies from my father are the reason I was able to deal so well with everything that has been thrown my way. I learned at an early age that I am not in control of this life I live. I must follow Jesus, and he will always lead me where I need to be.
So, is He enough? Absolutely!!